The Faux Tebow Sob-Story

In light of a recent article by Les Carpenter, I felt the need to vent just a little bit about the supposed "poor Tim Tebow" coverage that seems to be never-ending:

Tim Tebow, by all accounts, is a great person. He does good things for people who could do for some good things in life. He sticks to his values and preaches them without shame. He is a commendable individual and that should not be overlooked.

He is not, however, a starting-caliber quarterback. He just isn't. The sooner people realize this when considering the other quarterbacks in the league, the sooner we can stop having this 'well, they're not giving him a fair shake' talk and move on. 

This "unwanted man" story? It exists because the media want something to latch onto instead of facing the fact that Tim Tebow is not a good quarterback. It exists because making Tebow look like the stepped-on guy that is being treated unfairly makes people feel like cheering for him means something. But this is not reality.

In reality, Tebow is being used more than adequately. He's receiving more press than he should as a player. He had a chance to be the starter, and thanks to a combination of luck and adequate performances from him and his supporting cast, he did as well as could be expected. But given the performances we have seen with scattered, inaccurate passes and what amounts to an ability to juke sometimes and how it compares to other starting quarterbacks in the league, he just doesn't have it. 

And you know what? That's ok. He doesn't need to be the starting QB that Skip Bayless idiotically dotes that he is. He just needs to be the man that he is. The sooner the media realize this, the better. Because I'm getting really tired of the "woe is me" media coverage for a man who I highly doubt victimizes himself as much as the media does on his behalf.

Misguided Aggression and the Penn State Scandal

For a long time, I've tried to give people the benefit of the doubt when it came to their opinions.

Disagree or not, the fact that most of us share differing views on the many topics that inundate our news-media at the very least means the possibility for discussion and, therefore, growth as individuals. 

However, that does not mean we, as individuals, should hold on to shoddy-at-best positions when facts of the matter are so close to our faces, we can see the sweat working its way out every of pore.  This, to me, is the epitome of self-perpetuated ignorance.

Case in point:  a few weeks ago, the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association),  handed down unprecedented  penalties to Pennsylvania State University (Penn State), for their lack of institutional control and the resulting inaction that allowed Jerry Sandusky to sexually abuse children for more than a decade.

Among the transgressions that reaped these penalties is the inaction of head football coach Joe Paterno - affectionately known throughout Happy Valley as "JoePa" - when it became known that Sandusky was behaving in a way unbecoming of a human being.

While one could argue that punishing the school now - with Sandusky in jail, Paterno dead and the majority of administrators with knowledge of the situation removed from the University - is unnecessary to the extent that it has been punished, most people tend to agree with the decision handed down by Mark Emmert, the president of the NCAA (you can find the penalties here), myself included.

That is why I was mystified when my cousin provided me a link to some of the public comments (via Twitter) that were coming out in response to the sanctions.  To give you an idea, I have posted some snippets below from the full post on deadspin.com (Editor's Note:  There is graphic language in the majority of the comments):

It would seem that the individuals in these particular comments cannot grasp the profundity of the actions that took place at Penn State.  What's worse, even as the days p ass and the sanctions have the time to sink in, people still insist that what has happened here is a great injustice to the Penn State football program.  Even the family of Joe Paterno is lobbying to have the sanctions against his former team dismissed on the grounds that he is being dragged through the mud like a criminal.

I honestly thought about writing a letter to these individuals - explaining as bluntly as possible why their idiocy is only hurting the plight of those who are trying to positively support the Penn State family through these dark and rough waters.  But what impact would that have?

There are really only a few things to say about the matter, at this point:

- Joe Paterno is no longer - and should no longer be - a hero.  There are people who would have you believe he is a martyr for a crime he did not commit, but this is not the case.

Despite the ability - and in my opinion, obligation as a human being - to report directly to authorities about what happened at the Penn State football facilities.  Indications are that he passed on word of an incident and then let it be.  However, further speculation supports the belief that Paterno and others decided to handle the incident internally and NOT report it to outside authorities.

A hero does not do such a thing.  A pedophile enabler does.  And that's exactly what Paterno made himself out to be by deciding to keep quiet.

-  You shouldn't be mad at the NCAA.  People are upset with the reaction by the NCAA, shown with the sanctions they have imposed, but this anger is misplaced.  Instead, it should be focused on the causes for the sanctions:  The administration and the atmosphere that proved so conducive to a "football is more important" attitude.  Joe Paterno's wins were taken because he earned them while deceiving not only the public, but his family and the fans and families of the university that has given him so much praise for so long.  I cannot express how much unimaginable disappointment there should be with what Penn State officials allowed to happen.

Finally:

-  Football is NOT what is important here.  People don't seem to understand this.  This is not a "well, things happen, people need to get over it," situation.  The view of the world  for every child that was impacted by this - every child that was sexually abused by Jerry Sandusky under the guise of a celebrated football coach and foundation that was meant to benefit children who were underprivileged - was forever damaged.

To what extent, it's hard to say.  As a victim of sexual abuse myself, I take no solace in the fact that there are portions of my childhood until age 10 that I cannot remember because of repression.  Why?  Because it came at the hands of someone I was supposed to trust - and did, in my unassuming childlike state.  Just like the children that Jerry Sandusky took advantage of trusted him.

Anyone who believes that football, at this point, is the most important focus at Penn State after what has happened there is a fool.

The most important focus now for Penn State - and for the victims who were hurt under the visage of the Penn State football program - is healing, education and most importantly, a paradigm shift.

Life, Loss and Lyrics

I've always found it fascinating the way a song can impact your train of thought at any given moment - even for just a short period of time.

It may be the lyrics and how they represented you at a certain point in your life. Or, it may be the band and how they were a part of your life during a particular stretch. Often times, however (for me, at least), it's the connection the song itself has to times in my life.

The reason this fascinates me is that no matter when I hear one song in particular - "I wish you were here" by Incubus - I recall only one event that I can associate it with.

I was a freshman in high school walking through the hall near one of the entrances to the school - just near the administrative offices. A fellow classmate's locker, adorned with other notes, had the lyrics to the aforementioned song taped to its door. At the time, the lyrics represented more truth than anything else that could have been spoken in that school for me and my fellow classmates.

Despite coming into our own (characteristically speaking) at that time, death - for many, if not most of us - was something that we had really never had a lot of experience dealing with (I am assuming, anyway). So, when our classmate lost his life in the tragic car accident that also claimed others, mourning was something that manifested itself through tears and other outward displays, but also - at least for me - in an internal rift that left me wondering how I should feel.

That isn't to say I had no remorse. It is to say, however, that I was confronted with a feeling of sadness that I had never quite felt before. When you're 15 years old and you think about death, it's not usually something that is particularly familiar. You don't think about it because you're(usually) too busy worrying about what the girls at school think of you, or what video game you're going to get or what you and your friends are going to do over the weekend. You especially don't think about it affecting your friends; after all - you're all too young to die, which means when you come to school each day, the only reason you shouldn't see a friend is because he or she is out sick.

But this was different. This was having your expectations for how things should be and usually would be, shattered in front of you and instead replaced with a sense of mortality that, quite frankly, is usually an afterthought to what's on the lunch menu that day. Yet there we were. Confronted by something that we all just wished would go away. Something we wished was just a dark cloud of a dream that would eventually disappear and reveal the sunny days we all assumed we would have - for better or for worse.

To say "I wish you were here," is so incredibly true when thinking about that moment. Because if it were possible for him to be there, we wouldn't have to face the truth of our own mortality - and perhaps just as appropriately, our own frailty.

If I wanted to, I could simply delete that song from my music collection and distance myself from the feelings it makes me recall. But I think that would be a disservice to the memory of someone I grew up with; someone whose loss represented more than just the loss of a friend in the lives of so many people.

Instead, I will allow the song to serve as an unquestionable reminder of how we should not only cherish the time we have with the people we care for most, but also the time that we ourselves have on this Earth to experience the things that make an impact on us so we can make an impact on others.

Hate Speech is Still Free Speech - And an Opportunity to Teach

EDITOR'S NOTE: This post is partially a response to a piece on SmilePolitely.com regarding the Confederate Flag and its presence at a community event - The Sweetcorn Festival - in Urbana, Ill. You can find the original piece here.

I appreciate individuals taking to an issue such as racism and showing it for what it is: Unnecessary in the current society we live in.

However, there always seems to be an argument regarding this issue as something that is either black or white in nature – with no room for gray. I’ve always been of the opinion that, regrettably, this is not the case in issues dealing with racism or hate. While the opinion of whether or not it should be accepted is clearly black and white as to “absolutely,” versus “absolutely not,” the topic of interpreting intent and rights is much less simple and therefore (in my own opinion) falls into a gray area.

Unfortunately, what the writer doesn’t understand is that hate speech IS something that is protected under the first amendment (our right to free speech), save for instances of Obscenity, defamation or "fighting words" (words/statements/etc that are meant to incite violence).

In fact, historically, there are several instances in which hate speech has been upheld by the United States Supreme Court under the protection of the first amendment itself. Such cases include Terminiello v. Chicago(1949), Brandenburg v. Ohio (1969), National Socialist Party v. Skokie (1977), R.A.V. v. City of St. Paul (1992), Virginia v. Black (2003) and Snyder v. Phelps (2011).

While I am in no way supportive of racism or discrimination, I AM in full support of freedom of speech. Without it, this very piece would not exist. Though abrasive, anything that prohibits hate speech is unconstitutional. So the vendor - had he/she been turned away - would have had every right to question why.

It is a different circumstance entirely if standards set by the Urbana Business Association expressly prohibit the display of such symbols, which I suspect will become the case in the future (that is, if individuals who are serious about change decide to act instead of taking the typical American perspective of “someone else will do it”).

I don't disagree with the plight of the author. Meaning in symbols can be very different based upon your perspective (race, religion, etc) and your understanding of what the flag actually represents, which is why I believe there is a lot to say about education regarding what the confederate flag means. Many people merely associate the confederate flag with slavery. Others simply associate it with southern pride. Unfortunately, many of these same individuals have no idea what kind of meaning it actually holds - in both historical and social context - and I think that's where many problems start. Many people know exactly what the flag represents as well, but those individuals are either interested in the history of the period or interested in causing problems.

I do encourage people to try and change standards when it comes to things like this, though. Simply saying "someone needs to do something about that," isn't going to cut it, so if you see something that you believe detracts from the perceived values of a community, let your voice be heard about the issue (another benefit of our freedom of speech). That's not to say you will be successful at first, given that issues that promote change affecting freedom of speech and expression often walk a slippery slope (one change sets a precedent and freedom of speech is something that should be changed with the greatest of care and only if ABSOLUTELY necessary).

As for me, I wouldn't have let such a display ruin my time, simply because allowing it to do so gives it power, and giving it power is not something we should be doing as a people. The moment something makes us uncomfortable is the moment we give it the power to do so. The moment we see the need for change and focus on our goal for implementing that change is the moment we decide to take that power away.

Also, we should educate our children on hate and why it exists, not shield them from it in hopes that they won’t come in contact with it. Not so they can take part in it, but so they can be aware of it and strive to rise and be above it and what it stands for/does to our fellow citizens. Trying to hide the problem will not make it go away and – in my opinion – hinders our children from having the tools necessary to deal with it should they be confronted with it. My son needs to UNDERSTAND racism and discrimination and what it is so he can therefore understand why we fight against it and why we should. Trying to hide my son from the more sinister aspects of our world will not help him understand. Only making the effort for him to understand will help him understand.

Opinion: Gaming, Addiction and What You Can Do

Chris Staniforth, 20, died from a blood clot from deep vein thrombosis. He reportedly
played his xbox for nearly 12 hours at a time. Photo Courtesy NY Daily News.

If you've been following the news in the last couple of weeks, you'll have heard about the young man from Great Britain - Chris Staniforth - who died after experiencing a blood clot following a gaming session that last several hours.

According to a coroner, it is likely the clot formed in his calf muscle before moving to his lungs, where it then caused the blockage that would kill him.

It used to be that deep vein thrombosis - typically caused by sitting in the same position for long periods of time - was a concern for people who were travelling on long flights. However, according to the article, it's becoming more of a concern that gamers could be affected by the condition.

As someone who enjoys gaming quite a bit, I can tell you that I have definitely had my fair share of long gaming sessions. I've had those days where I've had nothing to do, so I set myself up on the couch and played until I couldn't play anymore.

But that's not something I've done on a regular basis. I don't feel compelled to play my games for hours on end and I realize that doing so would not be good for my health.

However, there are individuals who are not so fortunate to understand this. They feel a distinct need to play and to do so for hours upon hours. They are addicts.

"As with any addiction, video game or "gaming" addiction is usually a multi-faceted issue. For starters, video games are designed to be addictive. Not "addictive" in the clinical sense of the word, but game designers are always looking for ways to make their games more interesting and increase the amount of time people will spend playing them," said gaming help site Video-Game-Addiction.org.

It is thought that video game addiction often provides gamers similar highs - often via endorphin rushes - associated with some drugs. Whether it's from playing against yourself or other players for that high score for hours or playing online games that allow you to feel the power of being someone or something else via role-playing, players are given a feeling that, many times, they can't or aren't finding from their every-day lives.

If anything, Mr. Staniforth stands as an unfortunate example of what can happen when an addiction to gaming gets out of control. However, he can also stand as way to shed light on the fact that sometimes, people need help and that someone with a gaming hobby might be more than just interested in games, but addicted instead.

Some of the signs of gaming addiction in adults? Losing interest in friends and family or functions because you'd rather be gaming; feeling pressure from the slightest of things related to video games and guilt/grief when you don't achieve them, even if they aren't real; putting off or blocking out real responsibilities for the sake of completing levels in a game; finally, playing for more than four or five hours at a time when one or two is more than enough.

If you know someone who might be addicted to gaming, take a moment to talk to them about it. They may be resistant, but making them aware that you are concerned is at least a step in the right direction.

As for yourself, if you feel like you're walking a fine line, take some steps to back off a bit. If you've been playing for a while, save your game and do something else for an hour or two. Stand up and stretch/walk around if you've been sitting too long.

Are your friends bugging you to hang out? Turn of the console and indulge them - have fun with REAL people.

Remember, gaming is meant to be fun - not dangerous and invasive. As much as I love gaming, I love my life and the people in it more. There will always be time for gaming. Friends and family? Not always.

Lessons Learned from Softball and Losing

Tonight concluded the regular season of my first year on a church league softball team.

In all our glory, we went out with a record of five wins and five losses, on the heals of a 20 to 8 drubbing by the team that beat us last week.

However, I am ok with this fact. And the fact that I am is something I feel the need to share.

For many people who don't know me, I will tell you that I am - more often than not - an incredibly competitive person. I'm not quite sure when it started, but whenever I would do something, I wanted it done well and I wanted it to be the best. When I would compete, I wanted to win and when I didn't, I felt like there was something wrong with me.

Believe me when I tell you, this has created a great deal of problems for me throughout my life. Broken everything-you-can-think-of (gaming controllers, walls, nearly knuckles). People mad at me. Lost opportunities for growing relationships. All of these things can be found in the record books of the competitive world of Jon.

One of my best examples would have to be bowling. I am by no means any kind of bowler. Whenever I would go to the bowling alley - whether with friends or family - I would feel some need to be awesome at bowling to the point that I would get incredibly angry when I didn't do well. And it showed. I had a terrible attitude more often than not and ended up alienating people I would play with. For a long time, whenever someone mentioned the thought of bowling, it made me nervous because I knew that I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.

Over the course of the last few years, however, I've learned to manage the self-applied standards to be very low for myself when doing things like bowling or playing with friends. I felt like I had made pretty good progress and that was something I felt good about.

So imagine how excited I was when the opportunity came to sign up for a softball league through my local church. I figured it would be a good way to get to know the people in my church, get a little exercise and have something to look forward to at the beginning of each week. But that wasn't the only thing I was feeling. There was also quite a bit of nerve.

I was nervous that my temper would flare at an inopportune moment while trying to swing for the fences. Or that I would let my frustration affect not only my mood, but the mood of the people around me and leave a poor impression of who I am as a person (I am typically unapologetic as a person, but not being able to handle losing is no excuse for poor behavior).

So, I went into the season with the goal of trying to have as much fun as possible. And I think I was able to achieve that and learn a little bit in the process.

Losing sucks. I don't like to lose. But I also don't like not having fun, so if I have to choose one over the other, I'm going to take having fun over winning the match.

When applied to tonight's softball game, during which the opposing team scored 15 runs in the first inning (yeah, it stung), it was a matter of trying to keep the mood light and enjoy being with the people I was in the dugout or on the field with. It meant turning up the banter and trying to get a smile out of people even as we were getting our butts handed to us. It even meant sacrificing personal pride for the sake of a laugh at my own expense (because hey, if people think you're a goof, won't it make them feel a little less awkward about being goofy too?).

So that's what I did. I made jokes, I cheered on a losing effort with a smile, I bantered with a little bit, I even teased my friends with shirt removal if they could get a double (it was scary enough, he scored a triple instead!). And it was awesome! We lost and it was awesome.

I know some of my teammates were upset that we lost and that's ok. It's normal to feel disappointed in a loss. I know I would have preferred to win, but I can't change the outcome now. I simply hope that if you were there with me tonight that you know how much I enjoyed being there with you guys and that over the course of this season and your putting up with my goofy jokes and bantering, you've helped me enjoy competition in a way that I haven't enjoyed it for a long time.

Anyway, I suppose part of the point I'm trying to make is, as much as losing sucks, leaving after the game feeling like you wasted your time is worse. Enjoy every moment you get with the people you enjoy being around - especially in a team setting. You don't lose or win as individuals - you lose as a team. That said, you might as well enjoy being with your teammates even if you lose. And if you can't do that in church league softball, where can you?

Thanks for a fun season, folks. Wins AND losses alike.

10 Things I learned While Working at County Market

I've always believed we can learn a great deal about ourselves and the world we live in with each new thing we experience.

This can range from the seemingly mundane things to the more necessary things in life and even (in my case) the things we would have called you crazy for mentioning had you said we'd be doing them a year ago.

In December, I completed an eight-month stint as a grocery clerk at a County Market grocery store in Champaign. I began working for County Market following my lay off from the News-Gazette in January 2010. Though I wasn't sure what to expect at first, I quickly found myself in a place where I was enjoying myself and the people around me.

That said, I'd like to share a few of the things I've learned in the short time that I've been with County Market:

1. Working at a grocery store is not as easy as you think.

I don't normally enter any job situation thinking "I've got this," due to my fear of quickly finding myself thinking "I've got no idea what's going on." However, I thought to myself, how hard can it be? Believe it or not, the amount of work that takes place at a store on a daily basis would boggle the average mind. On top of the fact that we got a truck on what seemed like a daily basis - which we had to remove, sort and stock - there was the ritualistic facing of the grocery, frozen foods and dairy sections, clean-ups, the continuous refilling of red dots (backroom items) and holes, the always interesting customer queries and various other tasks.
To give you an idea of what kind of pace this store operates on, I typically filled the natural foods section on Thursdays. It generally took me about five to six hours to do this. No, I didn't know one little section of store could hold so much either.

In all seriousness though, with each department you enter, you find several individuals who know quite a bit about their respective departments and what each product has to offer. This is not something that just kicks in once you start working at a store - you have to work at it. You have to take the time to know the product and invest some actual effort into ensuring the customers get what they want from someone who knows what they're talking about. When a customer leaves unhappy, it makes everyone look bad, and no one wants that.


2. You need good shoes.

Most people average about 2 miles per day (or less, if you have a desk job) walking in the workplace. At our store, you'll walk triple that amount on a given day. How do I know this? Thanks to the handy piece of technology known as the pedometer. On average, the associates at my store (myself included) walk(ed) 7.5 miles per day throughout the store (and sometimes outside of it). When I first started, my feet hurt so bad after the first week I thought I would need some new shoes. Thankfully, some less expense padded inserts and foot soaks did the trick... three weeks later. On the plus side, I got quite a bit of exercise walking around the store and my feet eventually stopped hurting.

3. Grocery workers get less respect than they deserve.

Some might read that and think it applies to the first item. However, this is an item I actually wrote about a while ago: Respect. Every single day I worked, I encountered individuals who pulled no bones about their lack of respect for me and the job I was working, based solely on the fact they considered it to be beneath them. And you know what? I was ok with that. I would rather be happy knowing I am open-minded enough to accept the fact I work in a grocery store than let some uppity, self-righteous imbecile tell me I'm worth less because of where I work. Here's a newsflash to everyone out there who believes where you work determines your value as a person: You're an idiot. No, really. You're an idiot. I would really hate to have the level of self-loathing you possess to believe that you must work a very high-paying job and have lots of power to be worth anything.

Recalling a line from the aforementioned piece about respect, a professor once told me "you are not your job and your job as not who you are." We are professionals in what we do and we are individuals in who we are. If you believe someone's profession should dictate what kind of respect they are given (within reason here, people), you need to reassess your perspective of the world or get a new one altogether. You don't have to believe in God or read the Bible to agree with the statement "Treat others as you yourself wish to be treated."

Conversely, I also understand that people don't deserve to be treated like royalty without getting to know them. The point is (without getting too deep into it) is to allow that person the respect they deserve as someone who is doing what he/she must in order to survive. If you want to learn more about that person, do it. But don't disrespect someone without them giving you reason to do so.

4. I will never put something where it doesn't belong again.

Day after day, as I walked the aisles of the store checking for items that needed to be filled, I was constantly greeted with those friendly, but often annoying reminders of customers who had passed through the aisles before me. Anyone who has actually worked in a store knows that this comes in the form of items that do not belong in the particular aisle in which they are found. Whether it be a steak, frozen solid in the ice cream freezer, bags of pasta in the milk cooler or eight bottles of Gatorade hidden behind the organic oils, the reaction is the same: Disappointment in our fellow men and women that putting an item back was far too difficult compared with putting it on a random shelf where it - more often than not - goes bad, is ruined and therefore becomes unsellable.

I'll be completely honest, I was as guilty of this as anyone who had come through my store. But no longer will I be someone who says "you know, I don't think I want this steak anymore and taking an extra 60 seconds out of my shopping experience would be too much to handle, so I'm just going to stick this here with the ice cream because I'm sure no one will notice."

Trust me, they notice.

5. The knock off brands are pretty much the same as the name brands.

I'm sure there are people who would disagree with me on this one, but I can't for the life of me see myself paying more money for something that is - arguably - the same product as the cheaper brand.

Take the milk, for example. We have the Prairie Farms milk, which is close to $3 and we have the store branded County Market milk, which is just under $2.50. Fifty cents doesn't seem like much at first glance, but when you're shopping for a heaping cart full of groceries, the nickels and dimes begin to add up.

Trust me when I say this: If there is a cheaper brand, grab it. You're getting what amounts to the same product, more often than not.

6. The organic section will not necessarily make you healthier.

I've come to the conclusion that many people believe eating organic foods will make you a healthier person. However, just because an item says "natural" or "organic," does not mean it will be the healthiest option. According to a piece on straighthealth.com, "You can make organic cheese, beef and bacon but that doesn't mean an organic double bacon cheeseburger is very good for you." Additionally, many people forget that a lot of these foods still contain a great deal of carbohydrates that, if not managed properly, can lead to weight gain.

Another thing I think people get caught up on is the idea of eating something "natural." Natural does not always mean healthy. Sure, the organic section holds naturally made potato chips, but that doesn't mean they're going to magically lose all the calories they have in them. Nor does the fact that the naturally made brownies are going to be any less of a brownie. Or the ice cream, the pizza and... well, I think you get the idea.

If you honestly want to eat better and believe you can do that by purchasing food from the organic foods section, do your homework before stepping into that area. Find out what foods will maximize your diet plan or hinder your goals. Similarly, don't buy something just because it looks healthy. Who knows, you may not even like the taste (believe it or not, some of the organic food tastes pretty bad unless you've acquired a taste for it). The point is, don't spend a bunch of money on something on a whim. Organic food is expensive, and if you just buy at random, you may be disappointed with your results.


7. Grocery workers are surprisingly good at analyzing customers

This one took me a while to figure out. There were times when my colleagues and I would be walking the aisles and one of them would point someone out to me, explain what he/she was probably going to pick up and then proceed to grin from ear to ear when the assumption (observation?) turned out to be correct.

Eventually I determined that a great deal can be learned about customers based on their body language and - if they are regular shoppers - their habits of walking through the store. One example that stands out for me is a woman who would come to the store at least three times per week and just walk around with a cart. She might grab a couple of things here and there to make it look like she was shopping, but what she was really doing was looking for people to simply notice her.

Believe it or not, the people in these stores are paying attention to you (most of the time).


8. Cleaning up messes annoys the grocery clerks

I always used to think that people who dropped things in a grocery store and broke them - usually spilling the contents of the jar or packaging out onto the floor - just had a spot of back luck with an unfortunate end.

However, after working at County Market, I have NOW come to the conclusion that, if you find yourself holding a jar of olives or barbecue sauce less than a foot away from the shelf on which it is displayed and you can't put it in your nearby cart or back on said shelf without dropping it, you should have your grocery shopping privileges revoked.

After all, what is that (or at least some of us) learned when we were growing up and wanted to be big kids with our drinks? That's right, use two hands to hold it OR be very careful with it if you can't fit your entire hand around it and insist on holding it with one hand.

Now, I understand that sometimes, accidents just happen - and that's fine. If you've got a toddler in your cart that reaches out and knocks something off the shelf or you turn without realizing what it is you're turning into, there's really not much to be done. But for goodness sake, if you've got something that is bigger than your single hand will allow you to hold, don't tempt fate by saying "well, I can do it"; use both hands and save the stockers some time. They would thank you for it if they could - Trust me.


9. We appreciate when customers make an effort to engage us, but hate long-winded exchanges.

It's really not too hard to understand that we, as humans as well as employees of a grocery store, enjoy human interaction with others.

That said, I really would have appreciated more small-talk with customers during my time at the store. I'm not talking about a 10 minute conversation or even a five minute conversation, but more than just the typical "hi, how are you? Good, and you?" exchange.

Believe it or not, walking up and down the aisles multiple times per day/night got incredibly boring. Human interaction helps with this quite a bit. It passes the time, makes for a more interesting shift and allows you to bring personality to the store to create a connection with typical customers.

Now, with the good comes the bad: We don't want your life story, nor do we care to hear you tell us random stories about relatives as though we know who they are by giving us their names. A 20 minute conversation about how you decided you like to eat cereal using coffee creamer instead of milk is not something that interests me. Keep it short, sweet and to the point and we do the same.

10. More often than not, we do as much as we have to do or as little as possible

I'm sure this surprises no one. Actually, I think this makes the distinction that we are like every other person who goes to work every day. At first, you work your tail off to learn the system and impress the bosses. However, at some point it is realized how everything works and just how much you have to do to pass off your activities as "work."

I could lie and say it was never like that when I was at the store, but lets be honest - I'd be flattering only myself. Don't get me wrong - I did plenty of work - but knowing the system and how to cut corners without sacrificing quality (too much) was a way of life at the store. After all, do you want to spend the entire shift counting every single item and filling even the smallest of holes or do you want to take care of the major stuff and spend time talking with your coworkers/friends and enjoying the work day because of a good mix? You don't have to answer that question because we both know the answer.

Some of you might take this as laziness, and that's fine - it's your choice to assume things without experiencing them for yourself. But I do know I worked plenty at the store and so did my coworkers. We helped customers, kept the store looking good and still found time to goof around in the back room (oh the back room).

* * *

These are just the things about my time at County Market that stood out to me as I sit here and thought about my experience. I'm sure if we were talking about it, I could name more.

Overall, I was glad to have the experience of working in a grocery store. It provided me a great perspective of the working world and insight into an industry that helps a great deal of people on a daily basis. I was able to make friends and meet some genuinely good people from the community while learning further learning the value of the money I was making (due to the large decrease in amount from the newspaper to the store).

So for those of you I worked with - thank you for the good times and the experiences. It was awesome.

Rolling With Life's Punches

I’ve always heard the phrase “just roll with it,” in such stressful or inconvenient terms, as though the thought of doing so is too much to deal with.

In fact, for a long time, I had a hard time understanding this phrase in a context other than negative. After all, why would we submit to the idea of things being out of our own control when the popular belief is that doing so makes us weak? Certainly no one wants to appear weak, and especially not for lack of control.

Fortunately, we don’t have to worry about being in control all the time (contrary to popular opinion). In fact, I would wager that allowing ourselves the freedom to “just roll with it,” is very empowering.

I was able to learn this lesson first-hand over the course of the last year or so, which has led me to the conclusion that trying to control everything simply leads to unnecessary stress.

A year ago at the end of January, I had just lost my job. My wife and I had been preparing to look at houses for what we thought would be the next big step in our lives. And then – as they say – “It all came crashing down” (my car even ran out of gas on the way home that day).

At first, I was in quite the funk about the entire ordeal. My mind would recount the things that I may have done wrong and what I could have done to change them or what was wrong with me that I would end up in this situation. For the first couple of weeks, it was very depressing as I sat at home doing nothing after having something to do for what seemed like every minute of every day for nearly a year and a half.

However, I eventually came to the conclusion that there were only so many things in this situation that were in my hands. And, if I was going to get anywhere, I was better off focusing on – not worrying about – what I could do, not what I couldn’t do. Thus, I decided, I should just “roll with it.”

So, I set out to find a job and was eventually hired at a local grocery store. Over the next nine months, I had a wonderful experience working with the public, great people, and doing a job that is harder than it looks.

While at the store, I learned what it was like to enjoy going to work – something I hadn’t experienced since the first few months I worked at the newspaper.

And those aren’t the only things I noticed. My relationship with my wife improved greatly. Before I lost my job, my wife and I hardly saw one another during the week and we were lucky to have an entire weekend to ourselves.

The point is, if I had spent my time trying to control everything instead of letting life happen, I very likely wouldn’t be where I am right now.

A year ago, I would have said “things don’t look very good for the future.” But now, I can’t help but smile when I think about where I am: In better health, in a stable living situation, in a great job and – the best reason of all – expecting a son.

I may not be working in the field I went to college for, but I would rather be working out of my field and happy than in my field and unhappy or burdened by so much stress.

Sometimes, life doesn’t take the direction you expect or even want it to take. However, if you take a step back and roll with the situation, you may find yourself pleasantly surprised. Just remember to enjoy the view along the way.

An Open Letter to the NFL

Dear NFL,

In the recent weeks, there has been an ongoing discussion regarding player safety and the often vicious hits which affect the preservation of that ideal.

Though you and I and the rest of the fans of the various NFL teams are no stranger to the hitting and brutality of football, it would seem that lately, the hits have been particularly disruptive to the "chi" of the game - at least from a fan's standpoint of the league's attitude on the matter.

After a particularly nasty weekend of hits, which included a jarring hit on Cleveland wideout Mohammad Massaquoi and a similarly-describable hit on DeSean Jackson of Philadelphia, things really kicked into high gear, resulting in the question "should severe hits be punished?"

This is a very touchy line to walk down. On the one hand, you don't want to seem insensitive to the potential impact these hits could have on the future of these players by ignoring them altogether. Therefore, some kind of action or response is almost necessary.

However, on the other hand, if you make the response too severe, you run the risk of setting a precedent, the return from which would be very difficult to negotiate. Because that is the danger with something so subjective as determining the severity of a hit in a game based on doing just that: Working for the greater good and damaging the founding principles at the same time.

So, you did the best you could to implement a "rule" on the fly by announcing that hefty fines and even suspensions would be handed down for what were considered to be blatantly vicious and potentially harmful hits on defenseless players (players without the ball, players who are away from the action of a play, etc). While many of us were (or still are) reluctant to agree with the decision, we moved on, determining that it wouldn't likely be much of an issue.

Fast forward to last weekend (week 12). In a game between the Buffalo Bills and the Pittsburgh Steelers, Linebacker James Harrison was flagged with a roughing the passer penalty after tackling Ryan Fitzpatrick just as he threw the ball. The following day, it was announced that Harrison - who has been fined four times already this season, for a total of $100,000 ($25k apiece) - would be fined AGAIN for the hit he put on Fitzpatrick, bringing the total to $125,000 (which is more than I would make as an individual in 5 years).

Before I continue, I would like to take a moment to refresh your memory of what that hit looked like. You can see it HERE.

I'll give you a moment.

Now, I would like you to explain to me how Harrison - a former defensive player of the year - is expected to stop from tackling Ryan Fitzpatrick in what would likely amount to the less-than-one-second span of time between when he released the ball and Harrison actually makes contact? That would be like me walking out in front of an Amtrak train and 10 yards before it hits me, expecting it to stop.

Not only that, but Harrison planted his facemask in the chest of Fitzpatrick as he tackled him, discounting the idea that he lead with the crown of his helmet.

My problem with this is not the fact that Harrison is losing more money, because I'm sure the multi-million dollar contract he has isn't going to dry up from a few fines. My problem is the fact that more and more players are being flagged by what appear to be legal hits.

Here's a newsflash for you, NFL: Quarterbacks have pads too! I understand the idea is to protect them, but for goodness' sake, you're undermining every single defensive player by fining them whenever they hit someone hard. You're telling them that they don't know how to play the positions at which they have been cultivating their careers. In short, you are slapping every defensive player in the face when you fine one of them for an obviously legal hit.

Interestingly enough, however, it would seem that players aren't afraid of you fining them. In fact, one player - Ryan Clark, who is a teammate of Harrison's - said over his Twitter account that he and his teammates are going to hit even harder, since they're going to get fined either way.

New break: Steeler D will protest this Sunday in the wake of #92 latest fine by hitting harder and more vicious. Since they fine either way!

- Ryan Clark

Good. Perhaps this backfire will encourage you and your officials to take a step back and analyze what you and they can do to actually help the situation with illegal and flagrant hits. Because it has become obvious that the you are ill-prepared to actually address the issue, unless addressing it involves subjectively fining the hell out of players based on undefined rules (yes, I know there are rules for hits, but as far as doling out fines, no specifications have been expressly released as to how a fine will be determined). If these kinds of fines are the future of the NFL, I'd just assume it not come back after this season.

There may come a time where you will have to decide whether you want to invest in an actual solution for dirty hits or if you want to put a bandaid over a gaping wound and pretend that will fix it. So far, it doesn't look like the bandaid is working, and it's make you look bad, the players look stupid and the fans look pretty upset.

Sincerely,

An NFL Fan

Integrity With Exceptions - An Unfornate Event for Journalists

I read a lot of comments on this story when it was posted on Yahoo! that were basically condemning this woman for what they believe is "telling people not to buy local." More than one individual called her an idiot for her effort to assist cost-conscious individuals and some even mentioned that she obviously doesn't know what she's doing by "calling out her advertisers," in the manner she did.

I would like to say to those who would damn this woman, Autumn Drussell, to take a second, hold their thought and then let it go.

Drussell was correct in her assertion that with the crunch on newspapers continuing to increase, there will be more attention paid to the desires of advertisers. After all, for many small newspapers (weeklies, bi-weeklies, monthlies, whatever), advertising dollars are vital to not only the continued presence of that newspaper in the community it serves, but also to the amount of content that goes out each week.

However, the precedent being noted here is that of providing a way for advertisers who are displeased with editorial content to simply voice their displeasure and threaten to pull their money from the paper unless something is done about the content that somehow offended them. As mentioned in the article, this is a scary thought for journalists who believe in the purity of their work.

It used to be, when an editor/reporter put forth an opinion piece, it was because he/she was required to write one as part of the duties assigned to the respective positions. During my time with the Mahomet Citizen, I was asked to write a weekly column as well as a monthly editorial - both of which were asked of me by the News-Gazette Community Newspapers management.

In these columns/editorials, I often covered topics that may have seemed on edge for some readers or store owners or even local officials. But that's the point. It's not the job of a news organization to sit by and hold the community's hands while sugarcoating the reality of certain situations in life. It's the job of the newspaper - regardless of advertisers - to constructively and actively point out issues that are affecting the community. This may include things going on in the schools, things going on with local organizations, things going on with the city administration or even things going on within the business community.

Do I think she did something wrong with the topic of her column? Absolutely not. We don't live in a happy-go-lucky world where no one has to worry about money, and as such, the editor crafted a column (which, by the way, was based on a local chamber of commerce meeting's pointers) addressing ways of saving money by shopping at stores like Wal-Mart and Target.

I'm sure some of you are making that sound usually reserved for when you see someone wipe out during a sporting event. However, considering how low prices are at many of these big box stores, it isn't uncommon for locals to shop these stores anyway.

According to the article, "Drussell wrote in a July column she was shopping more at low-cost big box stores because of the economy. She suggested that local businesses needed to improve customer service, stop badmouthing their areas and appeal to frugal customers..."

Now, an initial reaction to such things would be "how dare you," but if these things weren't an issue to begin with - the customer service, the badmouthing and the high prices - would there have even been a need to highlight them? Many times, we are upset when people lie, but let it go when we know it isn't true. But when someone parades our dirty laundry and the stains are real, we get visibly mad because someone might see us for the things we've done.

Having been the editor of a weekly newspaper, I personally know many small business owners who have had a hard time dealing with the economy over the last few years. In discussions with them, they have brought up the fact that they are having to change the way things are approached in order to encourage local residents to continue coming to their shops.

Some people get it - others don't - that the newspaper is a tool for businesses to get their names and services out there by way of advertising. Once that advertising is out there, the onus then falls back on the business to make sure they deliver on their promises and provide customers a reason to return and to tell their friends/family members about the experience they had.

Then we have the editorial side of things, which can include many different titles, such as news and opinion. If an editor/reporter produces an opinion piece, usually it is stated somewhere on the page that the opinion is that of the individual, not the organization (and if it wasn't, it should have been). Additionally - and more importantly - the opinion that is offered is usually (not always) the result of discussions the editor/reporter has had with people in the community and/or is a direct result of experiences he/she was a part of.

Believe me when I say, if there was something happening that seemed to be making negative waves, I would make sure to put it in one of my columns or editorials. While I never outright named businesses, there were times when the business community was the subject of my column/editorial.

Should she get her job back? I don't know that she should sue for it back, but perhaps sue for her remaining salary. The fact that her organization - a news organization - is not standing behind her for a column she wrote for their paper is pathetic. In all likelihood, she was asked to write an opinion piece, so saying "no one wants to hear your opinion" is one of the stupidest responses you could possibly muster. Her employer wanted her to share her opinion. They then fired her because of it and in the process, undermined their own journalistic integrity to save face with advertisers who weren't even specifically named.

That is a sad situation.

Affirming My Convictions

With elegance, power, fear, quickness and pure beauty, the magnificent lights of the heavens reach down to brush the landscapes that surround me.

I cannot help but watch the lightning, as it dances across the blackened night sky, and feel like it represents so much of what I am feeling at this very moment.

Traveling down a country road akin to what I would picture a man's final walk in life to be - solitary, focused and having only one direction and purpose - I sing along to my favorite songs blaring through the radio, trying to match the emotion set forth by the singers themselves. In this moment, as I let the music draw out and deliver my own emotions, coupled with the awe-inspiring world around me, I feel alive. I feel right.

I also feel strong. The kind of strength I haven't felt in a long time.

I think many of us search for the kind of strength that currently courses through my soul, usurping uncertainty for the sake of a more appropriate driving force. Many - if not most - of us work tirelessly, endlessly and hopelessly for but a glimpse... perhaps even just a taste... of the end result that will make our efforts seem not in vain.

Strikes chase the clouds with direction from wind and God himself, painting the bleakness with pure light. My music drowns me out only in its sound, holding not a flame to the nearly-overwhelming sense of excitement that leaps about in my mind.

In the span of just a few short weeks, my life seems to have changed completely. How much is still to be determined. Nevertheless, these changes have come and now I find myself in the role of the navigator. The course set in front of me and the tasks all but known, I have the responsibility and the honor of leading the way to my own success. And I feel strong in my ability.

I also feel the creeping fear that accompanies most feelings of confidence. But, not unlike these luminescent fires of the heavens, my confidence and desire can only be stifled by the will of God, and even then I will know that my confidence is not undue, but merely in need of guidance from a hand that knows where my feet will fall before I even take a step.

As the rain begins to glisten with an iridescence becoming of the most flawless of diamonds, I look to the sky once more as the lightning seems to challenge the very will of mother nature.

This is not unlike my own sentiment towards the Shakespearean "slings and arrows" that will befall my path. Despite their impending presence, I only look forward with anticipation. For I know that the pitfalls ahead of will be deep, but they are not chasms that will ensnare my sense of self; they are only obstacles that will hinder me slightly, and empower me eternally.

Therefore, just as the brazen storm in which I am caught neither yields or submits to an obstacle within its path, I shall keep on my own path and I shall do so with a new found confidence in my own strength and my own convictions, slowed only by the truths that will reveal themselves in time. And with these truths, I will affirm the very strength that I - and that we - have always had and merely needed to rediscover.

Easy Is Hard To Do

It wasn’t long after Staples began showing their “Easy Button” commercials that I - and I’m sure the rest of us with imaginations - began pondering just what we would use a button like that for.

At the time, I couldn’t help but think how great it would be to have a button that would take the tasks and situations I was dealing with and simply fix them according to what would be reasonable to me.

There were moments when I wished so very much that things in my life would just come easy. After all, I deserved it didn’t I? I thought so, at least.

However, it’s easy to believe such a thing when the best solution seems to be the one that doesn’t involve putting forth any time or effort to achieve. Instead of working towards solutions or working for a good end result, it would have simply been more convenient to have it done for me.

If only it were indeed that easy.

Instead, many of us have to work hard for what we have, often sacrificing along the way to achieve a life that we might be able to call easier.

If I could call it anything, it would be a game that we continuously play, but never really win. We spend long hours refining our skills at our jobs in hopes of attaining a better position with shorter hours and better pay for an easier life.

There are obviously challenges along the way, adding weight to the mantra that “nothing in life is easy.” Perhaps with a new position comes new responsibilities or more responsibilities on top of those we already have.

Therefore, even as we ascend to easier stages of life, by our standards, maintaining such a level still takes a great deal of work.

So now comes the question that I have asked myself on more than one occasion: Is easy ever easy to attain? Will there ever be a moment when the things in life that challenge us magically seem to fall into place?

I believe so. But I don’t think it will come at a time that is convenient for us.

Instead, I think the moments where we are able to step back and say “wow, that was easy,” will continue to surprise us as they always have. They will stand as reminders that sometimes things just fall into place like a well-placed puzzle piece.

In the mean time, we will continue to work towards what we think will make life easier, ever improving our positions on the board for the game of life.

There will be failures along the way, but we will learn from those failures and use them to make our successes that much more significant.

We will show that while an easy button would be a wonderful tool to possess, it would also be an easy tool to abuse, providing an excuse to be lazy and giving us false senses of accomplishment and entitlement.

Because after all, sometimes the things that we appreciate most and are the proudest of, are the things for which we have worked the hardest.

Simple Respect

Respect is an interesting thing, especially in a society where so many people expect it without earning it.

When you think of respect, what comes to mind? On a societal level, things like money, power, accomplishments, certain jobs/professions and even the kinds of shoes someone wears can determine how much respect they receive.

In particular, I think one of the biggest areas that we give and expect respect for the wrong reasons is the job market. We give respect to people for certain jobs that they do instead of for the kind of people they are and we disrespect people for jobs they work that might not be up to societal standards.

One of the best examples that I can think of right now is my current work situation. Right now, I work at a grocery store stocking shelves and doing other tasks as needed. I don't make a lot of money and I'm not doing any advanced work.

There are people who would look at me as I stock the yogurt section and see my wedding ring and think "this guy must be lazy or something to think he can support a family at a grocery store." I know there are people that think this because I've spoken to people who think this way, and to be completely honest, I find it appalling.

I guarantee you, if you were to take me and put me in a $500 suit, they would look at me - without even talking to me - and think how successful I must be. By ignoring me and looking directly at my situation, they are obviously assigning their respect level to what I do/how I look instead of who I am/what I have to say. And so goes the perpetuation of our value system in this country.

As far as working at a store goes, I have no problem with this in the least and don't see why working at a store should be disrespected compared to higher income jobs.

Just because we work in a grocery store doesn't mean we don't have responsibilities or work hard or have to master certain skill sets. Nor does it mean that we have no other talents that we couldn't apply to other professions.

If you were to line me up with several of the other stockers that I work with and go down the line, the amount of talent you would find would be outrageous. But you would have to engage and find out instead of jumping to the easier, safer conclusion that stocking shelves is the only thing we're capable of.

One might look at one of my coworkers and see a stocker where I see a student looking to get a business degree or a student preparing to complete his college career with a degree in sports management. Some people might come into the back of our store and see us loading carts and see just another kid where I see an accomplished guitar player.

Someone might even see me and see someone not worthy of their time instead of an award-winning journalist with a great deal of experience on a professional level.

One of my professors once told me that "you are not your job and your job is not you," meaning that more often than not, a job is simply a means to an end or a career is a profession that you are good at but do not use as a means of conveyance about the kind of person you are.

However, most of us have trouble understanding this, which leads to misconceptions about the people who do the jobs that most of us would find below us. Instead of seeing a person, they see someone below them and act as such towards that person if they feel the need.

In the first month that I have been working for the grocery store, I've experienced customers who have talked to me in a condescending manner simply because they didn't believe I was on their level. I've greeted people who have first looked at me and then given only a forced smile and walked away. I don't get mad at them for this, though. I feel bad for them that they would be so narrow-minded and shallow.

The truth of the matter is, we should be respecting the people we interact with while they are working until they give us a reason not to. If you want the best experience you can get from whatever business you're utilizing, you need to respect what the people who run the business are doing - from the managers to the guy who cleans the floor so you don't have to walk through aisles that are covered with dirt and grime.

I can say with confidence that I respect the individuals who keep up a store just as much as I respect the CEO who runs a company, just as much as I respect the man who works for minimum wage doing what he must to make a living.

Our society is full of individuals who work hard for their money and do so with simple goals and not-so-simple dreams in mind for themselves and their families. As people, we are all the same to this degree. However, if we ignore that truth of our own humanity and place ourselves above anything but what we consider "appropriate work," we are not only skewing how we perceive respect, we are destroying any reason for others to respect us.

The next time you're out shopping or at a restaurant or even getting an oil change, take a second to thank the person who is taking the time to make your experience better. Believe it or not, we DO care that you have come to our establishments and if you show us respect, we will show you respect.

We, as a society, cannot read signs.

Just as the title suggests, I've come to the conclusion that the vast majority of us cannot read signs most of the time.

And this doesn't just mean street signs and store signs, but also some of the less obvious signs conveyed to us by our friends, family members and even strangers on the street.

Now, I know some of you are sitting there thinking "I don't understand what he's talking about - signs are pretty obvious and you'd have to be an idiot to miss most of them."

Well, my friends, we are indeed a society of idiots. For example, just today I saw a woman back out of her parking spot and proceed to exit the parking lot through the entrance, which was marked by a large sign in red lettering that read "NOT AN EXIT."

As soon as I exited the parking lot the correct way, I witnessed someone run a stoplight, followed by a college student riding her bike in front of me while I turned because she didn't read the bright orange "don't walk" sign on the street light.

I really think drivers/pedestrians are the biggest violators of what you could call "sign law." I've seen more people ignore signs while driving than anything else.

However, what bothers me the most is that when these people disregard what the signs indicate the people who have the right of way are still the ones who end up suffering.

Case in point: A couple of years ago, a student on the University of Illinois campus was killed when she walked right out into a crosswalk and WALKED INTO A BUS. Yup. Walked right into the side of a bus and was killed.

First of all, how do you miss a bus? I mean, really? It's big, makes noise and is pretty visible unless you're Helen Keller or Stevie Wonder.

The bus driver not only couldn't continue her job and was forced to leave, but she has had psychological problems ever since. Yes, it's sad that someone lost her life, but given how stupid you have to be to walk into and be run over by a bus, she wasn't exactly trying hard too hard at self-preservation.

Now, what if that girl had lived? I guarantee she and her family would have sued the University and the Mass Transit District and won, even though she's the one who used the crosswalk improperly (note to all you pedestrians, just because motorists have to yield at crosswalks doesn't mean if a car is about to cross through it, you have the right to run out in front of them. If you do this to me, I will hit you and proceed to ask you what the hell you were thinking while you writhe in pain as I dial 9-1-1).

Just think, all this could have been prevented by paying attention to signs. The sign of bus conveyed by the sounds it makes and its large presence. The "don't walk" sign that was likely blinking. Be smart, people - put your phone down for a second and realize where you are.

Similarly, my very own brother fell victim to someone who couldn't read a stop sign on his recumbent bicycle (those bikes where you sit back like a chair and pedal). My brother was preparing to turn right onto another street when out of the corner of his eye, he saw this cyclist run the stop sign and run right into the side of his truck.

The oblivious cyclist proceeded to berate my brother for being in HIS way even though my brother had the right of way. Luckily for my brother, a police officer witnessed the entire thing. He stopped and approached the cyclist and informed him he would be ticketed for running a stop sign and, if he didn't stop, thrown into the squad car for verbally assaulting my brother (note to cyclists, if you don't know already, you have to follow the exact same rules of the road as automobile drivers, so if you pull out in front of me on your bicycle and I don't see you and I hit you, it's your fault - not mine. Please, pay attention).

However, I digress; the point is, I really wish people would consider for a moment that there are other people around them and signs directing them where to go/what to do when they think "I'm going to run that red light," or "I'm going to cross the street without looking." All it takes is paying attention to ones surroundings and being aware of things like flashing lights and florescent signs.

Anyway, switching gears a little bit, sometimes the signs we miss aren't as subtle as a blinking light or a brightly-painted surface. In fact, sometimes the signs we miss are in the way things are said or displayed in the body language of our friends/family/those around us.

What's more, many times these signs are often indicative of wants or wishes could help a situation one might be experiencing.

My marriage, for example, is full of those times when what is being or has been said isn't always exactly what's being said.

Some easy ones are when I'm on my computer or on the Xbox and she says to me "you should put that away," is usually another way of saying "lets watch some TV together on the couch."

However, there also some not-so-easy to understand signs I've received, whether they have come in the form of a tone of voice suggesting frustration (with me, or otherwise) or a specific body language that hints of anxiousness.

To be honest, discerning these not-so-simple signs has been a growing experience for me. As I come upon my second year of marriage, I've been lucky enough to learn from the instances in which I was unable to read the signs, if only to be able to read them clearly the next time.

Each time I have to endure the failures in my recognition of these signs, I am offered a way to see it more clearly the next time it shows its face, even if it is slightly different than the last time.

The caveat to this is, I have to be willing to see these signs when there is a next time, for the purpose of there being a next time. Because if I ignore the signs after I've seen the consequences of doing so, there will come a time when I will pay with more than just an upset wife.

On a similar level, our friends and family and even the strangers we interact with on a daily basis, have subtle ways of exhibiting outward signs.

Take a day to yourself and spend some time people watching at the mall or in a very public place and just try and determine what the body language or facial features of the people passing by may indicate.

You may see some people who are having the best days of their lives by all accounts. In the same regard, you may see some people who are struggling to put on the faces they are showing.

What you do with those signs is up to you. Perhaps you know someone who is showing signs that are a cry for help, and all you need to do is offer yourself as a shoulder or an ear. Maybe a frustrating situation for a friend while offer a sign to you that you can lend a hand to solve the problem.

Whatever the case, the more we notice the signs around us, the better equipped we will be to address them.

I'm not saying we're always going to see the signs we are meant to see - whether they are obvious or not. We are, after all, only human and flawed ones at that.

However, if we make an effort to be more attentive in our daily routines and thorough in our personal lives as we work on our relationships, the signs we notice will increase over time.

And, hopefully, our lives will be better for it.

A Skewed Perspective and Clear Choice

Call me sentimental, call me soft or call me a liar (you may all be correct), but I find that more now than ever in my life, I really enjoy seeing the individuals who were written off "early in the race," so to speak, doing well in life and showing how flawed socioeconomic stereotypes are in our country.

For example, while I was growing up and even as I worked at the newspaper, the trailer park in Mahomet - Candlewood Estates - was considered to be the "bad side of town," and where "all the bad kids" came from.

Many of the families who lived there when I grew up in Mahomet and during the time I worked there (which is in the very recent past) were and are considered to be low-income families. In the same regard, their children are considered to be "high-risk" based on the environments in which they live.

I won't lie; I know Candlewood has certain aspects about it that would make some people reading this go "see - that's exactly why it's a bad place." It DOES have drugs; it DOES have abuse; it DOES have crime.

But that's not the point, because unfortunately for us (and those who are short-sighted enough to believe only "bad parts of town" have bad things happen in them) we live in a society surrounded by these things. These are not isolated incidents.

The point is, we can't see the forest for the trees. Because of the stigma we have allowed ourselves to associate with certain areas such as low-income qualified housing complexes, trailer parks and even slums, we are also allowing ourselves to be blind to potential, and this often robs those who need our caring and understanding the most of the experience and guidance we have to offer: The children.

As cliche as that may sound (lord knows I've mocked the 'will someone PLEASE think of the children' phrase), it has never been more true for our country. As much as we would like to write children from "troubled" areas off, as members of the society they live in and that we have created for the, it is our duty to do what we can IF we can.

The question then becomes, where do we start? Well, in my opinion, the best place to start such is with ourselves. How do our views affect how we see people? How do they affect how we treat people? Do we even notice?

These are questions I often ask myself when I encounter certain situations - many times in public places like stores or restaurants - in which one person obviously considers him or herself better than another (i.e. a wealthy diner acting rudely towards a waitress or a shopper showing an attitude towards the clerk at the counter or shoppers he/she feels to be of a lesser background).

Far too many of us seem to have the notion that based on our levels of education, our backgrounds, our current situations (often financial) or otherwise, we are better than others around us. Others such as the families who live in Candlewood.

We see trailers and think "they must not be smart enough to own a real house." Then we see their children and automatically assume "they're probably trouble makers," or "that kid is going nowhere fast."

We say these things not because we know, but because it's the easy thing to say based on how society has told us we should treat people: The wealthy get our respect and those who are not wealthy do not deserve it. In the same regard, the better off the family, the better off their children will be.

Well, here is a newsflash to those of you who believe this: You. Are. Naive.

I've said this before and I will say it again because I believe it so fervently: Rich does not mean smart and destined to be successful, nor does poor/middle class mean stupid and going nowhere. This is something that irritates me to no end.

I cannot tell you how many conversations I've heard or been part of in which someone says "well, those kids in the trailer park, they're just bad news." What an ignorant, self-righteous statement.

Yet people make them every day about children who can no more help their situations than we can help the growth of our own toenails. They make them with the expectations of being right and without the intention of stopping for a second and considering what they could do to help things turn out different.

In reality, all it takes for us to impact the lives of these children is to believe in them and act as the role models they may need or the ear they seek that will listen or the wisdom they seek when trying to make a decision. You could be that person. You could be the person who shows a child written off as a "never kid" - who will "never" do this or "never" do that - that he or she can do great things. You would be surprised how far that will go.

I'd like to list myself as an example. As a child, I was the son of a mechanic and a secretary in a town full of parents who were doctors, lawyers and business owners. I didn't wear a pair of Nike shoes until I was in sixth grade and even then, I shared them with my brother. I had mediocre grades due to ADHD and some of the worst acne a kid can have at that age. Needless to say, I was a target for the "socially superior" to tear me down.

I experienced first-hand what it's like to be tormented and teased because of what I didn't have and what people didn't think I was capable of. There came a point when I was in junior high that my parents received a note from the administrators stating I was "in danger of being a high school dropout."

However, I was fortunate enough, through all of this, to have wonderful people around me who believed in what I was capable of, even if they didn't know what it was yet. They lent me their ears when I had questions, offered me their wisdom when they saw I needed it and encouraged me when I didn't feel I had no potential.

Those are the kind of people we need to be, for the sake of not only their future, but our own. There is a reason our society progresses (if you ask me, anyway): Because we allow our perspectives and expectations to progress and our understanding to grow.

It's so easy to look at someone who is rich and affluent and think "they must really have it together." And that would be an appropriate thought if this were a perfect world. But it's not a perfect world and in this imperfect world, even the affluent have problems.

For example, Mahomet is considered to be a very wealthy area, full of professionals who have their act together and lead normal lives. For many people in Mahomet, Candlewood is the sore spot on an otherwise perfect apple.

However, despite this belief, members of the "affluent" part of the Mahomet community (i.e. everything that isn't the trailer park or the Lake of the Woods apartments) experience the same things as the people they judge without knowing.

Here are things that happen outside of Candlewood Estates that I know of for a FACT: Drug sales and use; infidelity; abuse; theft; cheating; alcoholism; underage drinking; vandalism; pornography; - the list could go on.

I'll admit it, for a long time, I believed I was better than the people of Candlewood because I didn't live there and they did. That's it. I believed this because it seemed to me - at the time anyway - as the way things were meant to go. My friends treated the kids who lived there poorly and because I didn't know any better (and never bothered to ask my parents), I followed suit. I try to regret very few things in life, but I do regret how I treated some of my fellow classmates.

Fortunately, I had the excuse of being young and dumb. As an adult, I know better. Others my age - and older - do not, and that saddens me.

It doesn't matter WHERE you live - in a million-dollar home or in a trailer - life happens and so do the bad things that come with it. Even the things we would rather deny than accept. And worst of all? The ones who suffer the most are the ones who have the most potential to change the outlook and build a stronger community.

So, the question still remains: Where do we start? Simple: You start with yourself. One person may not be able to change the entire world, but one person does have the potential to change the world for a child with the simple gift of encouragement.

I will always recall this from a conversation I had with a friend of mine, because it is so fitting for discussions like this, but we always remember two kinds of people from our past: Those who encouraged us and those who looked down on us.

Which one do you want to be remembered as? And are you willing to do what is necessary to be the right one?

Agelessness and Open Minds

Let me start out by saying that I've never really blogged just to blog, so if you're going to critique this and hound me for a lack of hyperlinks, save your breath.

To be honest, I really wish more people would exercise the scribes within themselves, venting their minds of the thoughts that often get in the way of progress. This is how I became interested in journalism in the first place - it was a way for me to express myself beyond what my voice alone could do.

When I write, it gives me the time to search for the words that fit my mood just right; like a painter searching his pallet for the perfect hue, I can't help but smile when a a sentence comes together so smoothly that God himself would agree with my statement.

In the same regard, I thoroughly enjoy taking the time to express what I am feeling through my writing. However, there have been times when the effort I have put forth to share these feelings and opinions have been met with close-mindedness in the face of youth.

For example, now more than ever, I believe the idea that age dictates understanding and insight is a complete farce.

My former boss once sat down in front of me and explained to me that my newspaper column at the time was unlikely to be taken seriously based on my age and the topics I was discussing.

Topics such as poverty, being estranged from family members, appreciating not only ourselves, but those around us, seeing the value in certain things; these topics, he said, were likely to be received as preachy and arrogant, whereas if he had written them, they were more likely to be received with open arms. Why? Because he is older than I am, and therefore more insightful.

So, for a while, I tried to dumb things down for appeasement's sake, only to find that I was not as proud of my work as I had been. It now felt contrived and "canned," if you will - as though the words I formed were being pushed through the mold he preferred.

While I eventually switched gears again and wrote according to issues and topics I felt should be addressed, the experience really got me thinking: How many writers out there don't express themselves for fear of being told their age disqualifies their opinion?

I can tell you for certain that someone 20 years older than myself (I am 24) may have more years of life, but does not necessarily have the same worldview or values or insights, which is why age - if anything - should be the exact reason to encourage someone to share their views.

As a country and a people, we pride ourselves on our intellect and our rounded views; we also pride ourselves on how accepting we are of others, but we neglect to admit how often we dismiss others because of their age.

Now, obviously there are going to be some factors that affect this, such as maturity. You can't just walk up to someone who is 14 and expect him or her to be able to engage in a thoughtful discussion without first considering the person's maturity for the subject matter through basic conversation.

However, the point is, you shouldn't simply dismiss a 14-year-old because of his or her age. Or a 20-year-old. Nor should you always give someone who is 55 the benefit of the doubt.

That being said, I would like to encourage you to try two things: First, despite what everyone has ever told you about writing and how only certain people can do it will, take some time for yourself and put some words to paper.

I will admit, not everyone is a professional-caliber writer, but that does not make their words any less heartfelt and real.

Second, instead of seeing someone as the number of years they have been alive and borrowing their credibility from that, speak to them and determine your opinion of them from the words they have to share with you. You may surprise yourself.

That being said, let me know when you want to chat and we'll grab a beer.

Final Mahomet Citizen Column - The Best Is Yet To Come

I've been pondering how I would write this column for the last couple of days, and have found that there are far more things to say about my experience in Mahomet than would fit into this, my final column for the Citizen.

However, I've never been one to let word limits get in the way of what I hope is a shared feeling and message.

For nearly a year and a half I've tried to share with you the parts of me I think reside in everyone. I think there are basic components to everyone that allow us to be so caring, understanding, resourceful and resilient and I think part of me hoped that by sharing these things about myself, those of you reading my columns would try to find what brought these things out in you.

I do know that as a community, Mahomet is all of those things and more. I've had the enormous honor to learn about this community from the inside out over the last year and a half and I can safely say, I learned more about Mahomet in that time than I learned in the 15 years that I lived here. For that, I cannot express enough gratitude.

There are people in this community on all levels that I would like to thank, but to be honest, it would take more space than is in this entire newspaper.

For those of you who I have interacted with, for every story I've written and every interview I've done, I've been able to see the very thing I became a journalist to see - the human condition and the struggles, triumphs and excitement contained within a single community.

I'll be honest, it was hard for me to not see Mahomet as a bedroom community when I first started, because that was what I knew about Mahomet coming into things.

Even now, there are residents who believe Mahomet is nothing more than a bedroom community, which may be true, but only half true, if anything.

The other side of that truth is, there is a community growing in so many directions it doesn't know which one is best. While that may seem like a slight, I encourage you to see it as the enormous potential that your community not only has, but the potential that you as a resident have to have your hand in that growth.

I've never been somewhere that a community was so engaged in its own future and even now, you've only begun to scratch the surface of where you can go. Being part of that and being able to see that is just awesome.

I would also like to thank the various public officials for the chance to cover and - in many cases - have a say in the direction things should go. The things I have learned from those experiences alone have been worth so much.

Finally, I would like to thank the readers - the ones who liked what I had to say, didn't like what I had to say and were kind of enough to speak up when they believed there was something to be said - for showing me what community journalism means.

It's one thing to write a story, which I enjoyed, but to be able to invest in the community emotionally and to see the feelings of those stories and be involved with conveying them on the pages is something special for me.

I can safely say that I will always believe one of the things that makes a great story is believing in the people you are writing about and believing in what they have to say.

While I am currently unsure of what my future holds, I would like to compare my situation to that of the village itself (if only loosely): We know the future holds something great for us - even if we aren't sure what it is yet - and we can't wait to get there.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of such a wonderful process, Mahomet. And remember, whether you can see what the future holds or not, always enjoy the view.

Living a Dream Still Requires a lot of Work - 1-20-10 Editor's Column

This week we celebrated the birthday of one of the most influential individuals in our nation’s history.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. has been revered by many since his passing and also remembered, specifically for the dream he shared with so many who were willing to listen as he stood at the Lincoln Memorial on Aug. 28, 1963.

As the years have gone by, we have struggled to realize that dream, though we continually make strides towards what many might call a Utopian society.

Often times, I am awestruck by how far we have come in our acceptance and understanding of one another, whether we are black, white, or otherwise.

Other times, I stand baffled by the selfishness and hate that we try to ignore but can’t quite get away from.

However, as I find myself standing in this in-between place with a view of the good and the bad, I can’t help but feel like we have accomplished - at least in part - what Dr. King was persecuted and murdered for so many years ago.

Our schools accept individuals of all colors and teach the value of equality and the harm of intolerance.

Our businesses treat customers like family, no matter what their backgrounds or lineages might be.

While we still battle with those who would try to disrupt our progress, more often than not they are made examples of and allow others trying to follow in their footsteps to see the folly of their ways.

We are in the middle of Dr. King’s dream.

But we still have a lot of work to do.

Racism does not simply go away with a few words and a sweep of a broom under the rug. Nor does intolerance.

In order to progress we must not let ourselves be caught up in fear, but be led by the need for understanding.

A need to understand our own history and why change was implemented and needed in the first place.

A need to understand the emotions of those around us and ask why they exist instead of chiding their existence.

But most importantly, a need for continued patience as we make baby steps in the right direction.

Dr. King had a dream that he hoped one day would come true. Dreams have a tendency of becoming reality when enough people strive to see them realized.

That said, as you do your own part in realizing Dr. King’s dream, no matter how small or big, be sure to step back, look at your progress and enjoy the view.